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The Bride's Guide Blog

ASK THE EDITORS: Help! My Fiancé Is Asleep at the Planning Wheel

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Q: My fiancé doesn't seem to want to help with planning our wedding. What gives?? I'm tired of nagging him!

A: While many grooms jump into the wedding planning process with both feet, some are a bit hesitant. It's normal to worry that his lack of enthusiasm means he's not psyched to get married, but we bet that's not the case at all. More likely, he just A) wants you to have the day you want and doesn't want to interfere, or B) he's nervous about making a "wrong" decision and messing something up.

Whatever his reason for not pitching in, rest assured, you can get his assistance and avoid an argument by asking for help in a very specific way—literally!

An overly general proclamation like “C'mon, help me --- there's a ton to do!!!” is so vague as to sound vast and ominous.

Instead, try a super-specific statement such as, “Let's go hear some music" or "Today we're going to taste lots of cakes" sounds manageable, even enjoyable. These relatively easy and cool activities will ease your husband-to-be into the swing of planning. After he's invested in the process, he'll start volunteering for the not-as-fun activities, such as proofreading the invitation, getting the guest list Excel sheet in tip-top shape, or working on the seating arrangements.

It's also helpful to create a timeline of the to-dos so that you both know exactly what has to be done and when. Then you can see all the tasks together, and divvy them up based on who likes—or is especially good at—doing what. Soon, he'll be raising his hand to devise the reception menu and plan the honeymoon!

Have a wedding guest question? Click for some wisdom!

Or, e-mail us your conundrum. We're here to help!

Comments (2)

  • Most grooms will love to be in charge of making plans for the get-away transportation for after the wedding and reception, too. Boys always like to be in charge of the vroom, vroom :)

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