I am always surprised when I hear a bride say that her groom (or bride!) is giving her total control over their special day. Let’s admit that a wedding should really be a melding of the personalities of both parties. In my case, my partner Rusty and I have the advantage of a seventeen-year relationship, but I am still not completely confident our relationship can survive the planning process. Let me give you some examples.
When any couple gets engaged there should be some initial conversation on what words come to mind when they think about the wedding day. For me, I pictured the day as cultured, glamorous, sentimental, stylish—the kind of wedding we often feature in the magazine. When I asked my partner what kind of wedding he would like to have, he said he wanted something loud and rambunctious. Think of an outdoor rock concert—when it rains, and everyone starts to play in the mud. Helpful.
While these are very different views, we are starting to find ways to pull them together. We are looking for a band that can play some of the traditional wedding favorites, but will also use a DJ later in the night when some of our older relatives have left. The venue we are choosing is an old auto body shop that is being renovated with very clean lines and classic fixtures, but will still look a little rock 'n' roll with exposed beams and original brick.
As for the actual ceremony, if Rusty had his way, we would have the Broadway cast of Rent perform several numbers (he is a huge Broadway fan). Instead, as a compromise, we are asking friends to read lyrics to songs that are particularly special to us.
Planning a wedding can be stressful, but can also be a great chance for you and partner to really learn more about each other and ways to find a middle ground. That said, there will be no mud at my wedding.