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The Bride's Guide Blog

Is It OK Not to Invite Someone Who Came to the Engagement Party?

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We received this sticky-situation query on our Facebook page:

Our destination wedding has been pushed back due to financial reasons. Initially, we invited everyone on our guest list to an engagement party. Now it’s been a year since the party, and we still have another year to our new date. We’re not as close to some of the people as we were when we made our original guest list, and I’m wondering if we still should include them? There have been no other wedding-related events related since and no invites sent. Thoughts?

There’s a difference between not inviting some people because of the expenses associated with a higher head count and not inviting them because you’re no longer feeling the love. Regardless, if they came to your engagement party, they should be invited to come to your wedding. (The same holds true for any pre-wedding event, no matter how much time lapses between it and the big day.) But if you’ve truly had a falling-out with a former friend and have no plans to repair the relationship, then do what you must. If, on the other hand, you like the person but just aren’t as tight these days, be aware there’s still a price to pay for leaving them out: their friendship.

Comments (4)

  • I agree with Jaime - I think that the correct thing is to extend that person an invitation. However, the only additional cost you may incur could be that invitation, since you're hosting a destination wedding. If that person feels as you do, that you are not as close as you once were, they are probably less likely to sacrifice their vacation days and some odd thousands of dollars to celebrate with you at the beach. It's as likely they'll send a card, and maybe a gift and politely decline. Fingers crossed!

  • I hope that they should be invited, your article was little emotional for me.

  • Actually, that's not what the Martha Stewart Wedding Etiquette Adviser page on Engagement parties says... "Now, because so many people have very small weddings or hold their ceremonies far from friends and sometimes even from family, the engagement party often includes people who may not be invited to the eventual wedding."

    I quote from this page: http://www.marthastewartweddings.com/230645/etiquette-engagement-parties/@center/272440/wedding-etiquette-adviser#/106164

    I've done a lot of research on this question, and asked friends and family members. All say that since my engagement party is going to be two years from my actual wedding, and because my wedding won't be local, that inviting people to the engagement party who may not get an invitation to my small wedding is just fine!

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