Though our audience is mostly brides, I often field etiquette queries from the MOB, the MOH, wedding guests -- even, now and then, the groom. Recently I received this question from a bride's friend who will be doing a reading at the ceremony:
I bought a great dress to wear to my friend's wedding, and I sent her a link to it to show it off. She told me she wants me to get a dress in the same color as the bridesmaids' because I'll be in some pictures. Was I wrong not to have cleared the dress with her before buying it?
This bride is getting carried away -- the only person whose attire she can "dictate" is her own. She should greatly influence her groom, and last, she should have final say on the attendants' attire (she needs to respect their budgets and comfort levels).
A reader, like an usher, abides by a "wear clothing appropriate to the formality" code, which should go without saying. So nope -- this friend wasn't wrong to buy it without a sign-off. The photos aren't about the fashions or (yes, you heard it from us) the color coordination. It's about the people. Hopefully the bride is just having a mild attack of last-minute wedding-perfection nerves.
There's one thing I'm not 100-percent on -- so tell me what you think: Can the bride can ask (early on), "Would you wear a color that will coordinate with my bridesmaids?" I'm not sure I even like that. Maybe there are ways, though. . . . Weigh in. And if you have any questions -- on any wedding topic -- send an email to our AskMartha mailbox: askMartha@marthastewartweddings.com.
(Want tips on attendants' attire? Check our website!)
From: Kirsten @ Triple Max Tons | 6/2/11 at 2:55 pm
Absolutely not....the day isn't about controlling what everyone wears. It's about making a commitment to your spouse, and having a fun time. The color of a friends dress is the absolute last thing a bride should worry about!
From: Hannah | 6/3/11 at 1:46 pm
I say its okay to ask VERY EARLY ON if a friend wouldn't mind coordinating with the bridal party. Especially if you phrase it as "you are a very important part of our special day, and if you do not mind, it would be great for you to wear our wedding colors."
From: anna | 6/4/11 at 12:41 pm
i requested (from the beginning) that the MOB & MIL wear colors that fit with the feeling of the wedding (actually, all i said was: no red no orange no yellow please)
and they were very happy about getting my input, as they want everyone in the photos to look natural together...not ending up with only one person in super bright orange against a wedding party of shell pink and neutrals.
From: Lola | 8/7/11 at 2:23 pm
My friend just told me (*unsolicited*), with 3 days to go before her wedding, that the dress I was planning on wearing to her wedding is too formal. It's a 4:00 ceremony, and I bought a red satin cocktail dress. I don't have a back up, and it's too late to return it. What should I do? I'm flying all the way out there; I feel like I should be able to wear whatever I like.