I spoke with a bride today who was surprised by her reaction to "will not attend" response cards. She had expected to feel disappointed when people weren't able to accept, but she didn't think she'd also feel stung and even a little insulted.
Here's what interested me: The simple checked "no" box seemed cold to her. No one wrote down "sorry to miss it" or "wish I could be there."
That's partly why you've seen more and more of our sample invitations containing blank reply cards. Guests have to write something in their own handwriting!
Have you gotten "regrets" yet from your invitations? How are you reacting?
From: Gillian H | 3/1/11 at 11:37 am
We've only gotten "Yes" so far... but I think I will be HAPPY to get some "No" responses (get that guest list down)!
From: Carolina | 3/1/11 at 1:21 pm
I haven't personally, but I do think it is a bit cold and rude to not explain why you cannot attend the wedding or send your best wishes. You were invited to an event celebrating a woman's best day of her life, that she will be spending quite a bit of money on, and you should at least send a gift or kind words.
Carolina
From: Leika @ The Modest Bride | 3/1/11 at 3:25 pm
We included blank reply cards for our wedding, and the "no" replies were just as touching as the "yes" replies!! I think that people, as a rule, tend to stay within the guidelines set. If they see a box to check, they'll check the box. I doubt any of them meant it to be rude, although having been a bride myself (with all of the attendant stress and high emotions), I can see how she might have taken it that way.
Perhaps the next time this bride sees them, she could express her regret that they won't be able to attend, and invite them to have dinner after the wedding. My guess is that most of those "cold" invitees weren't cold at all, and will jump at the chance to spend some time with the new couple after their nuptials!
From: Suzy | 3/1/11 at 7:32 pm
I "no" RSVP doesn't hurt as much as no reply at all. You then don't know if you are to expect them. It is also bad when they reply "yes" and then they are a "no-show".
From: Prosklitiria Giota | 3/13/11 at 10:45 am
Yes it's a good idea to force the recipient to write something because most of them are bored and will just tick the box.
From: Vanessa | 3/15/11 at 10:11 pm
I understand how a simple 'no' can seem cold. The polite thing to do would be to write a line or two of why you cannot attend, however, many people would not think to do this, which is why blank RSVP cards would be a good choice.
From: Katie | 6/21/11 at 2:14 pm
Having been a "no" sender before, I never thought I was being cold simply marking the box, especially since the RSVP cards are so tiny! I still send a card and a present and conveyed my good wishes, but I never thought the RSVP card was the place to do that. Now I know.
From: Talley Sue Hohlfeld | 6/21/11 at 2:26 pm
@Katie: I don't think it's particularly cold to *not* write good wishes on the card, but this particular bride was surprised how much it would have meant to her to have a 4 words as well as that check mark.
(But at least you replied, right?)
From: Alyssa | 10/12/12 at 11:33 am
At least you're getting a response. I'm ticked off at people simply not responding at all. Are they coming? Are they not? It puts me in the situation of possibly contacting them...like I don' have enough on my plate to track them down.
From: Phuong | 4/9/13 at 1:04 am
It only takes a few minutes to wish the couple well wishes even though you can't make it to their most special day. They obviously took the time and thought you were important and special enough to invite - at least be a little more thoughtful than just a quick and cold 'no'.