In the last couple of weeks, I've gotten several press releases, soliciting brides with "register for your mortgage!" services.
I suppose, in a way, mortgage registries aren't much different from honeymoon registries. But I honestly wouldn't recommend you use one.
For one thing, every one of those services takes a cut for themselves. When I give money, I sure don't want even the tiniest percentage getting siphoned off to some vendor.
But the biggest reason I'd advise against this type of registry is because of the feedback I've received when I mention the press releases -- people are aghast. Even those used to writing checks as wedding gifts thought it was inappropriate. So I vote no.
Far better to simply mention that you're house shopping. They'll get it, and hopefully, mail you a nice check.
What do you think?
From: Sara | 3/29/11 at 2:21 pm
FINALLY! The voice of reason! I haven't understood wedding blogs pushing these "honeymoon", "home improvement", or "mortgage" registries. At the end of the day, you're asking for cash, and perhaps even more gauche, the website you're using to manage that cash for you is taking a hefty percentage and asking the gift giver to cover that additional cost, too. I tell all my brides and friends who ask the same thing: why would you pay a percentage for a website to manage your money? You shouldn't even be putting registry information in with your invitations, so if people want to write you a check, you're going to get cash anyway. Don't give part of it away to a third party!
So against all of these types of cash registries... and mostly because they're definitely taking advantage of brides and charging a premium to do so.
From: Cordially Invited | 3/29/11 at 2:41 pm
I totally agree -Why would i want to give you a check for $100 if you are only going to get $80. Great post
From: Will | 4/6/11 at 12:51 pm
I struggled with this question when I got married two years ago and I admit still bothers me to this day as the debate goes on. My then fiancee and I were in a 650 sq. ft 1 bedroom apartment to save money for our down payment (We live and work in Silicon Valley, where a single family home is $500k+). We didn't have space to store items we would need for our future home. Renting a storage space just to keep the items didn't look like such a great idea either, especially when we didn't know when we would be able to afford a home. So we included a note with our mailed invitations to the effect of: "Due to limited space in our 1 bedroom apartment we appreciate your support and best wishes as we save for our future new home."
Still inappropriate? How does a engaged couple today deal with the situation we were in?
From: Talley Sue Hohlfeld | 4/6/11 at 1:09 pm
I hate to say it, Will, but yes, it was still inappropriate.
Any damage is done now, of course, so there's no sense in dwelling on it. But in case someone finds this helpful, here's what's up with your situation.
Including *any* sort of information about gifts in your invitation is not cool. It's sort of like greeting Grandma at the door with the phrase, "What did you bring me?" A veiled cash request is even worse.
Of course in your situation, more stuff is just painful. And it's painful for your guests, too--that's why so many of them DO like registries. They don't want their $40 to $150 wasted on something that goes to the Goodwill--or worse, clutters up you home and makes you curse them every time you trip over it.
So . . . you spread the word informally. When people ask how the wedding is going, you find a way to mention that you're going to enjoy the wedding, but that you're focused on saving for a home.
You have the smallest registry possible (it should only ever have on it stuff you *truly* want anyway, right?).
You tell everyone close to you (mom, dad, close friends, close aunts) that you hope people won't buy you stuff, you have nowhere to put it, and you're saving for a home. "If people ask you for ideas, you might mention that our place is SO small, and we're saving for a home."
You "friend" everyone on Facebook, and post a couple of statuses about your "mortgage savings."
You get everyone's e-mail addresses and send out a newsy letter a couple of times, in which ONE of your updates is that your place is small and you're saving for a home. And you've decided not to rent a storage space because wow, how expensive! and you'd rather save that toward a house.
And then you take what comes, cheerfully.
From: Talley Sue Hohlfeld | 4/6/11 at 1:13 pm
Oh, I forgot to say:
You absolutely CAN put that phrase (and it's a nice phrase, actually) on your wedding website. (I would suggest you have some other small, small registry as well.)
The theory there is that people have asked you about it, because they clicked on the "registry and gift ideas" button on your home page (the gift ideas should always be one layer down).
From: John Hoots – expert in realty mortgage Chicago | 8/2/11 at 10:17 am
Sometimes people would like to be bluntly told what gifts the couple want. But in general, it is not nice to even ask.
From: John Hoots – expert in realty mortgage Chicago | 8/12/11 at 10:09 am
Enlightening us much more and sending much more data and particulars about this. It might not look valuable these days, however it shall come in handy in time
From: Amy | 6/16/12 at 4:33 am
I really don't understand the social taboo around openly discussing gifts. People want to buy them for a wedding couple, the couple needs things/money, so why make they guests "work for it" to find out what you really need/want? Seems like a silly social game to me.
From: Shira | 9/2/12 at 11:56 pm
I agree with Amy. Feel free to decide for yourself what is appropriate. My .02 is this: The way you ask for (and receive) a gift is more important than the gift itself. You can avoid offending people if you offer a choice and display diplomacy skills in your communication. Most couples I know don't mention gifts at all and force you to call/email them for information, which is just cagey and passive. I would LOVE to help my nearest and dearest get into a home they love. That's making an investment in their future. And IMO, way better than a stupid salad bowl.