"How can I involve both my mom and stepmom in my wedding?"
That's the question at least one of our readers is pondering -- her mother wrote to me (via our AskMartha e-mail box, askMartha@marthastewartweddings.com) requesting for ideas on how both she and the stepmom can be involved in the wedding. They're cordial but not particularly close, and they've both had distinct roles in their daughter's life. And as such, they want distinct roles in their daughter's wedding.
The funny thing is, most traditional etiquette books don't really allow a place for stepparents -- which isn't practical or realistic in today's world.
I still think the "official" hostess of a wedding should be the bride's mother; therefore, she should be the last to take her seat. But perhaps the stepmom could be the second-to-last seated. Then the bride could stop at the bottom of the aisle and give them each a hug in turn or at the very least, set aside "alone" time for each of them shortly before the ceremony. They could also both participate in any "unity candle" sort of ritual or give a reading.
Got any ideas for her? And, are you trying to find ways to involve a stepparent?
From: Tweets that mention Etiquette: When a Bride Has Two Mothers -- Topsy.com | 2/15/11 at 11:46 am
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From: Yvette | 2/15/11 at 2:17 pm
I don't have a step-mom but my fiance (now husband) does. It was challenging to include both mother-in-laws as they fit the description above...they are cordial but not particularly close. I just tried to make sure they were involved with the wedding somehow. I brought the step-mom to my florist appointments and took the other mom dress shopping. I also had them plan something for it. The step-mom wanted to plan the rehearsal dinner and the mom wanted to plan a brunch for the day after the wedding. I had no say in what they did, I just let them do their thing. I also would send them updates on what we were doing and examples of what we were looking at. I hope it worked, but it was a lot of work for me.
From: Nina | 2/15/11 at 3:17 pm
When it was time to walk down the aisle at the church, my mom entered with his dad, I entered with my dad and my step-mom was seated in the front row.
At the end of the ceremony, my mom exited with a close family friend and my dad exited with my step-mom. A good way to include her in the ritual!
From: Darbie | 2/15/11 at 3:56 pm
I am in the same boat. i have a stepmom that has been in my life for the past 16 years. The best way I have handled it is give each of them jobs or things to do. My stepmom is a graphic artist and is creating my save the dates. My mom is crafty and is creating my party favors. Stepmom is going to the florist with me and my mom is going dress shopping. It's hard to split everything up, but i think they appreciate it.