A soon-to-marry colleague here in Martha-ville shared her guest-list dilemma the other day on our walk to the subway. (Maybe you can't pick my brain on the evening commute, but you can send me your questions at this address: askMartha@marthastewartweddings.com.)
She's struggling with the size of her guest list, and the usual tactic of seeking advice from the family matriarch isn't helping: Grandma is the one who insists all 300 people, including cousins' children's children, be invited.
This isn't uncommon. As the family tree grows, it often spreads, adding branches. And those people at the top of the tree have a different perspective from those who are down among the shoots and leaves. It's hard for grandparents and great grandparents to admit that their offspring aren't close anymore.
How are your family elders influencing your guest-list decisions? What branches of the family tree are you including?
From: Karen | 11/9/10 at 10:11 am
We had this dilemma at our wedding. We wanted about 10 of our closest and parents wanted about 400 (didn't matter that they couldn't afford it and the majority of those people we either had never met in our entire lives because they were such extended family or friends (we got married at ages 35 and 38)). We compromised at 100. People then started inviting themselves or adding others they thought we forgot to the RSVP's. We didn't forget them we just didn't invite them and it made for some awkward conversations when we had to call them and tell them they couldn't come. And what happened was we spent the entire reception feeling trapped by those we had never met or hadn't seen in years and were not close to because they wanted to sit with us and "catch up" and didn't get to spend the most fabulous night of our lives with the people that meant the most to us.....our parents, grandparents and brothers and sisters.
From: Sacha | 11/9/10 at 3:11 pm
I have a massive family (reunions are often 100+), while my fiance (whose parents moved from Korea) has only his immediate family in the country. We solved the problem by inviting only our grandparents, our parents siblings, and their children... basically first cousins only. That way his extended family doesn't feel obligated to make the trek to Canada, and it doesn't become an obviously one-sided affair!
From: {Everything Wedding} Blog Carnival #7 > BustMyBudget.com | 11/17/10 at 8:45 am
[...] Etiquette: Where to Trim a Family Tree? | Martha Stewart Weddings [...]
From: Steve Foerster | 12/19/10 at 9:44 pm
This one seems incredibly easy. Invite the people with whom you want to share your special day. Do not invite those with whom you do not want to share it. It's your special occasion, not your parents', not your grandparents', and not that of your fourth cousins thrice removed.