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The Bride's Guide Blog

Etiquette: Can You Trust Your Vendor's Advice?

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A friend of mine and her longtime live-in boyfriend told me this recent disaster story. A wedding invitation from a good, good friend of theirs had come in the mail,  addressed to the boyfriend --"and Guest."

She was pretty hurt (she was actually surprised how much). Her boyfriend was livid! And when he complained to his friend, this is what he found out:

The groom -- poor guy! -- had lost a long argument with their stationer / calligrapher. The woman insisted that unless a couple was married, etiquette required the "and Guest" format. (Which is not true, as we know.)

My friend's not mad anymore, but that's because her boyfriend was pushy enough to inquire, so they now know it wasn't a deliberate snub. How many of those other couples on the guest list are going to be insulted -- but quietly so?

That stationer really did him a dirty trick. She's a pro; she  should have more accurate research. And that's why you need to do your own independent research first.

Have you been given a bum steer by one of your vendors?

Comments (7)

  • Ugh! How old fashioned! She probably wasn't creative enough to find space for her full name ;)

  • We got an invitation address to my sweetheart "and guest". We've been living together since before this couple even started dating, and I was furious!

  • @Lena: Maybe the lesson from my friend's experience is, don't assume it was a deliberate dig at you. They may have gotten some really bad advice. Because that bad advice is certainly out there!

    And the lesson from *your* reaction (and my friend's reaction, bcs it was much the same as yours) is, don't use "and guest" if you actually know the person's name.

  • How can you lose an argument with a vendor?! They're there to serve you, not the other way around.

  • I have lived with my boyfriend for about four years. About two years ago, his tasteless uncle, who I have seen at many family funcitons, sent us a christmas card with my boyfriends name on it, followed by "et al." I get the impression that people think you won't notice such things, but I will never forget the snub. Unless you want to make a frenemy, be careful with your invites, people!

  • You are way too sensitive. He felt snubbed? Really? How well does the marrying couple know your boyfriend? Yeah, it would be nice to include his name, but given the zillions of details that go into planning a wedding, I'd say you are taking this WAY too seriously.

  • [...] read this over at the Martha Stewart Wedding Blog, The Bride’s Guide, today, and I just had to share it [...]

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