According to the Hudson Valley News, a weekly newspaper in New York's Dutchess County that is making the most of Chelsea Clinton's plans to marry in their coverage area, wedding presents have started arriving at Astor Courts, where the wedding reception will be held.
As this magazine's etiquette maven, I'm thinking, "What?"
For a long time now, us etiquette folks have been trying to persuade people to go to weddings empty-handed -- because their gifts were sent to the couple before or after the wedding itself. Making the couple and their families wrangle gifts on the wedding day is not a helpful thing.
So, these gift-givers are on the money to send their gifts ahead -- but I'm wondering why they're sending them to the reception venue. (Maybe the Clinton and Mezvinsky families have given some indication that this is their preference, but it is sort of odd.)
Where should such gifts be sent? To the bride, if you know her address; or to her via her mother, if you know hers. (And yes, tradition says gifts for weddings are given to the bride, even when they are intended for the couple; but in 2010, nobody's going to be insulted if you send the gift to the groom because you know him better.)
If you don't have any address, send them to the return address from the invitation's mailing address. (Of course, if a guest buys from the registry, the store will have an appropriate address on file, but it normally won't share that, for privacy reasons. This I know, because I tried.)
Have you gotten any wedding presents sent to you early? Does this seem to happen in your social or family circles?
From: WeddingXpert | 7/27/10 at 2:40 pm
Since there are supposedly over 400 guests attending, I'm assuming many of them probably don't have the Clinton's address and therefore sent it to the only address they knew, the reception. I'm HOPING that's the case. Otherwise, yes, it would be very inconvenient of them indeed.
From: Courtney | 7/27/10 at 2:52 pm
What is the etiquette for sending a 'thank you' for a gift received prior to the wedding day? Do you wait to send thank yous until after the wedding?
From: Alissa | 7/27/10 at 4:43 pm
@Courtney: Don't wait! Send the notes ASAP after you get the gift.
From: Lauren | 7/27/10 at 5:00 pm
@ Alissa: I know you aren't supposed to wait but what about a gift from a guest that was invited but isn't attending the wedding? I'd like to give these guests a photo thank you so they can share in our day if only through photos. Do you send a thank you now and one later so they can get a photo?
From: Talley Sue Hohlfeld, etiquette expert | 7/27/10 at 8:45 pm
@Lauren and Courtney:
Alissa is right--don't wait! Send it right away. They want to know that the gift arrived safely, and they're anxious to know if you like it--but they're curious about that *now*, not later.
I know you want to send the photo, Lauren, but you mustn't wait. Send a thank-you note now, and if you want to get them a photo afterward, then spend another stamp.
It'll make them really happy--they'll be majorly impressed to get a note from you after the wedding.
Not another thank-you, though--just a note that says, "We thought of you on our day, and wished you could have been there. It was a lovely time, and [you'd have thought Uncle John and Cousin Amanda were really cute on the dance floor--get Aunt Sally to tell you all about it.] [insert specific detail of the day that might be pertinent to them] Oh, and here's a picture; we wanted to be sure you got one, too!"
Maybe you can say something like "Thanks again for all your love and support." or something. But for these people, it's important that it sound like a SHORT but newsy note from you, and not a thank-you.
A total public-relations win!
From: CLP22382 | 8/10/10 at 10:05 am
With all this buzz about the wedding, and so many people willing to gift gifts and "donate" (ahem, politics...pffft!), Chelsea should have done what I did and created a registry on MyRegistry.com. I'm serious, this would have been a great solution! If Chelsea had a wedding registry on MyRegistry.com, then her friends/fam/guests/fans/whomever would be able to purchase items off of her wishlist, and they would be sent right to her home. Voila! And, by creating an online MyRegistry.com registry, Chelsea would have been staying well within wedding etiquette guidelines
I actually thought about that while reading up about Chelsea's wedding...and yes, I had read that many people were sending gifts to the venue early. Made me realize how much confusion I avoided by choosing to register for my wedding on MyRegistry.com. Chelsea, take note for the next time you need a registry
From: Talley Sue Hohlfeld | 8/10/10 at 10:15 am
@CLP22382: Actually, I read that Chelsea and Marc registered at several stores, under different names. Because they didn't want the press to nitpick their registries, etc.
And she'd never have made a registry that would be open to the general public to choose gifts for her--that WOULD look greedy, and it would have been completely counter to her insistence that she is NOT a public figure.
She's been very consistent in rejecting the notion that she is a celebrity, or a public figure, etc. And she was amazingly (!) effective in achieving this, especially considering that she had more than 400 wedding guests. There have been so very few leaks, even after the fact.
So I'm guessing that most of those gifts that were sent to the venue were not actually from anybody she knows.