"We only see each other at weddings and funerals." Sometimes it seems that this is the definition of "extended family."
I know that when I attend the wedding of one of my cousins, I tend to view it as a family reunion, of sorts. Since we're pretty scattered, we don't get together unless there's a must-attend event. Often, we organize a family get-together the night before the wedding. And at the reception, I spend most of my time catching up with the extended family (since the bride and groom are sort of, you know, busy).
I've even heard of families that flat-out say, "Everyone arrive Friday night, and we'll have a family reunion on Saturday, before the wedding."
Every now and then, I run across a couple who realizes that their big milestone is generally regarded as being more "family reunion" than "party for the guests of honor." They feel pretty overshadowed -- at their own wedding reception!
How can a family strike an appropriate balance? And how much of a family reunion will your wedding be?
From: Jenna | 6/8/10 at 10:59 am
Ugh, one of our families is totally viewing our wedding as an extended family reunion. To a certain point, that makes sense, but when they try to dictate the guest list to an extent we are not comfortable with (wanting to invite cousins neither bride nor groom has ever met, asking to invite children when we don't want any because this is a night time, black tie reception with full open bar) we have conflict. It puts us in a bad position because we feel like the guest list police when really we just want to keep this wedding to a manageable number. We both dislike large, impersonal parties and want to spend some time with the friends and family we actually know at our wedding! A note to families: this should be a wedding first, family reunion second-- only to the extent the bride and groom want that!
From: Lena | 6/8/10 at 11:55 pm
As a member of a big Greek family (my mother has over 30 first cousins, and they're close), weddings are certainly more enjoyable family reunions than funerals. I think it's hard to avoid in large families, but trampling all over your plans for the sake of a family reunion feels inconsiderate.
From: Emily | 6/14/10 at 9:18 pm
We are having an adult only reception an my future mother in law was planning a family reunion with her sisters for the week following our wedding. Due to us not inviting the kids my finances uncles an aunts are now not even attending as they see no point because there wont be a family reunion
Great family right?
From: Leslie | 6/18/10 at 7:10 pm
I have the opposite going on.... there was a planned family reunion and it was suggested we get married at that time... As it turns out we were planning a wedding in a short amount of time to begin with then the planning time was cut from 3 months to 3 weeks...
It turns out to have been the best thing as people who could not travel more than once within a short period of time will be able to attend. And it took most of the headache out of planning a backyard event. Now we will just have a big post-wedding party for our friends instead. We're elated!