Posted by Shira Savada, Real Weddings Editor:
Well, this is new. A bride just started a new blog on Monday, Help Me Pay For My Wedding!, in the hopes of people donating to her big day. She says it's an experiment and not a charity, but regardless of what it's being called, it's certainly an interesting move. I'm not sure what I think yet, but it seems that it's causing quite the stir.
According to the blog, she's already gotten a mix of angry comments and happy donations. So what do you think?
From: Becky | 3/31/09 at 3:16 pm
Personally, I think it is genius! More than likely this blog will cause such a stir that she will be invited to an all expense paid trip to appear on shows like Ellen, the Today Show etc...That will cause more hits, and perhaps Ellen will kick in some cash. She is generous.
Experiment perhaps, but I would imagine this girl will collect her cash and take it directly to the florist/baker/wedding planner.
She is a genius...
From: C.W. | 3/31/09 at 3:36 pm
I think this is INCREDIBLE!!! I even donated!!! Good for her for being creative in such a hard economic time!
From: Becky | 3/31/09 at 3:40 pm
I even think it would be great to see this as a "real wedding" for a future blog post or wedding article in the magazine.
From: Globetrotting Bride | 3/31/09 at 4:02 pm
I don't know I think its a kinda tacky. But if it works, kudos to her!
From: Stealthnerd | 3/31/09 at 4:05 pm
I can't say that I applaud this girl's efforts. If "desperate times call for desperate measures", as she puts it, she'd put aside her big dream wedding and do the courthouse deal. Or elope. Think about the Depression--people got married during that and no one had a big elaborate wedding. If that's what she really wants she should plan on a lengthy engagement. I mean, she's so proud to pay off her debt, shouldn't she be equally proud to say SHE paid for her whole wedding?
From: Amy | 3/31/09 at 4:12 pm
It's definitely a very, excuse the term, "ballsy" move. Honestly, I would feel guilty asking people to pay for my event. Do what you can afford, if you can't afford it, learn to make it yourself!
Good luck to her though! Every little bit helps when it comes to a wedding.
From: jessica @ budgetsavvybride | 3/31/09 at 4:14 pm
No offense, but I wouldn't exactly call this 'genius.' Trust me, I know the power of the internet, and there was a time when I debated doing this myself because I feared we would never have enough money to make our wedding happen. But then you have to think... what kind of message is this sending? So she's spent the last year paying off her debt... yeah, so have I! And I've also spent the last year saving money for our wedding, working hard to make the money necessary to pay for it- not asking for handouts from perfect strangers.
I named my blog Budget Savvy Bride because I do the best I can to make my wedding fabulous with the money that my fiance and I have earned to fund it. Make do with what you can afford, and if you can't afford it- SAVE LONGER. Make sacrifices in order to save more. If you really want to marry your sweetie and that's the most important thing, then do it at the courthouse. That's just my opinion...
From: stacey | 3/31/09 at 4:31 pm
Why does no one seem to see a problem with this!? She is obviously very immature, not even learning from the admitted mistake of spending "like a maniac on things I shouldn’t have." So let's see: Life Lesson Round I...points awarded to life, she wasn't smart enough to stay out of debt in the first place (little secret: it's not that hard!). Life Lesson Round II...once again, she's the loser with the assumption that just because you can't afford something, you're still entitled to it. That one's going to take her far. Sheesh. And a "cheap" wedding would still cost $20,000? Excuse me? (I'd so love to hear 2000dollarwedding or apracticalwedding's thoughts on this...not that it's about the $ amount, but c'mon!) So yes, Little Miss Newly Engaged Lori, I'd love to contribute to your day, but instead of a buck, I'd like to give you some advice: grow up; remove the wedding-magazine-saturated part of your brain from your head and actually think about the idea of spending TENS of thousands (of other people's money) on ONE DAY; and try to envision how horrible and ruined and scarred and near-death you and your life would be should you not get this wedding of your dreams. That's all.
From: Leika | 3/31/09 at 4:43 pm
I have to agree with Jessica. Gimmicky, but not genius. There are so many beautiful, meaningful weddings that don't cost a lot of money. Weddings shouldn't be about the spectacle. If what you can afford is a picnic with family and friends, you'll be just as married as you would with 800 guests at a white tie gala!
From: AnnieBelle | 3/31/09 at 4:52 pm
I pride myself on having to have been resourceful and making something beautiful out of a smallish budget - that's what made my wedding great, not handouts or a free ride. Why is she more deserving of money for a wedding than anyone else?
At one point when it seemed like we wouldn't be able to pay for the wedding, I thought using what money we had and flying to Amalfi and getting married there, just the two of us, would be what we would do, because that was all that mattered - the two of us and our love.
I suggest she make it work herself without resorting to putting that responsibility on everyone else.
From: katie | 3/31/09 at 4:58 pm
I think its funny that so many people are getting so mad about it. If you don't like it then don't donate lol Don't ridicule something because you weren't savvy enough to come up with a "big idea" yourself. She obviously wants her dream wedding and if this is her way to get it and other people want to help her then thats awesome!
I commend her for being so creative and trying to make her dream come true.
From: gina | 3/31/09 at 5:02 pm
I think it's disgusting. All these people donating money to a girl's overspending? Like the commenters have said, why not downsize and still create a beautiful thing? Think of how much good that money would do if people donated to a charity instead.
From: dana | 3/31/09 at 5:24 pm
I wish I would've thought of it myself!
From: Diana | 3/31/09 at 5:41 pm
I think this is pretty tacky. Asking other people to pay for your wedding? You don't have to have all the *expected/expensive* wedding things to have a beautiful wedding - in fact, the opposite is true.
From: Sprout - www.sprout-flowers.com | 3/31/09 at 7:04 pm
Didn't Starr Jones already set this tacky trend?
From: Kate | 3/31/09 at 9:09 pm
I think it's tacky, but it's already gotten her a lot of press and she seems to be getting money, so I guess it's working. Now, what happens when her wedding doesn't happen?
From: Sara B | 3/31/09 at 9:25 pm
This is just another example of the excesses that have gotten this country into so much trouble. Bravo for nothing. People need to learn to live within their own means!
From: Sara B | 3/31/09 at 9:26 pm
And by the way, how do I report her to the IRS when she doesn't pay taxes on the newfound income???
From: Jolene | 3/31/09 at 9:36 pm
Newsflash: this isn't a new idea. It's just that she doesn't have any pride in herself and therefore doesn't feel the need to pay for and earn something that she wants. Thus, she is a spoiled brat, whether mommy and daddy are forking over any money or not. Just because it's not her parents giving her money, does not make them anything but handouts. Like Sara stated, this is just a highlighted example of what's the problem in this country: discipline taking responsibility has gone by the wayside.
Worse yet, she really doesn't thank her donors. Think about it, she even states she won't tell her guests that it was donations that helped pay for their bacon wrapped scallops. I actually hope she gets on TV. That way her guests can know what she really is on the inside: selfish.
From: amber of TheAmberShow | 4/1/09 at 12:02 am
Of course it's gimmicky and tacky. It's the internet!
She's hardly the first to think of this, and she won't be the last. Who cares? If you like it, donate. If not, whatever. There will be someone else making noise tomorrow.
If you get REALLY upset by this, you need a life.
From: Samantha | 4/1/09 at 9:06 am
Amber you hit the nail on the head "If you get REALLY upset by this, you need a life."
I just donated money to her in honor of all the people who are beyond lame for calling her a "spoiled brat" and "disgusting"
PS - I suggest you take a look in the mirror, shes just asking for help to make a dream come true. You guys are spewing hate, shame on you.
From: stacey | 4/1/09 at 9:34 am
not only do i think she is a spoiled brat with an attitude of entitlement and absolutely no shame, i think that the people who are donating money to her shuld find something else to donate money to that might be slightly more meaningful. Like, I don't know, CANCER, HOMELESSNESS, FOODBANKS, ANIMAL SHELTERS... seriously.
From: Samantha | 4/1/09 at 10:04 am
Stacey - You're assuming that we don't donate to those things. Get facts before you throw accusations. But based on your comments you seem to get joy out of talking badly about people, so it doesn't surprise me.
I donated money to 3 different Charities this year and I gave her money, big deal lol I'm SURE you don't give every last cent you own to charities so please get off your soap box.
From: Tracy | 4/1/09 at 11:40 am
I don't know how I feel about this either. I'm intrigued, but something rubs me the wrong way too. Maybe it's because I get the impression she is not willing to cut back on the expense of her dream wedding to something she can afford (something many of us, myself included, had to do), so she's asking for donations. Especially right now, charitable donations are better spent on more pressing issues, not to some bride trying to finance a dream wedding.
On the other hand, she says that she will give back and help other brides pay for their own wedding. I guess we'll wait and see.
From: hannah | 4/1/09 at 12:18 pm
there are a lot of catty brides on this blog!! (its my first time). stacey, girlfriend, you need to step away from the computer and take a breath! no one has asked you to police the internet so just chill. if you don't like what you read...control alt delete immediately.
From: Joanna | 4/1/09 at 12:34 pm
Obviously, if you don't agree, don't donate and don't give her page views. As to what to call this (tacky, appalling, disgusting, gross all come to mind), I'm pretty sure her site speaks loud and clear all on its own.
From: Blake | 4/1/09 at 2:35 pm
The smart thing here is using a "new" channel (Twitter) to market her project. It's really about the medium, not the message. How many people have used web sites for the same purpose? Too many to care about at this point.
Do people feel more connected on Twitter & thus more likely to donate? Could well be. That's a story right there. Being first is important. And, living in a country like this, where wealth abounds to the point that she might be able to finance a wedding just by asking, is a story too.
From: Layla D. Smith | 4/1/09 at 2:44 pm
Sara B, It's not income, it's a gift & it's not taxed to her. If someone gives her a huge amount of money, then they may have to pay a gift tax.
From: Carey Mosser | 4/1/09 at 4:35 pm
I'm going through the same thing. Paying for my own wedding, with no financial help from anyone else. We just bought a home, so our budget is small so that we don't have to put anything on credit.
It took a while for me to accept the reality of my situation, that I couldn't have the most expensive photographer or the oceanfront reception hall. But I moved forward, and now I'm so happy despite my extremely modest budget. I can do anything I want with the support of my family and friends. I couldn't be happier with the wedding I'm planning despite my meager budget.
But as a bride myself, I understand the desire to have something perfect. And to each bride, it may be something different. You only get married once, so while I can't donate to her as I'm paying for my own wedding, I wish her the best of luck in planning her dream wedding.
From: Jeremy | 4/1/09 at 5:31 pm
it's a little amazing, i think? i want to start a blog to get help to pay off my student loans...anybody want to donate?
From: Heidi | 4/1/09 at 6:11 pm
I think it's tacky. It's not brilliant, nor does she deserve any press regarding this so called "genius" move.
Asking strangers to pay for a wedding you can't afford your self is tacky. Not thanking said strangers is tacky and not telling your guests how the wedding was paid for is even more tacky.
It's offensive for brides who make sacrifices to have the wedding of their dreams. Learn some manners and some budgeting skills.
From: Elise | 4/2/09 at 11:16 am
Is no one else bothered thats she's not telling her fiancee? That says something to me.
From: Justine | 4/2/09 at 11:49 am
Basically...if you want to donate to help a girl out, then donate. If you don't agree, then DON'T donate. Get off your high-horse and get over it. No need to be rude and nasty.
Weddings are shockingly expensive, no matter how cheap you try to be. Some women dream of their wedding since they were a girl, and don't want to budge on some things if they don't have to. More power to her if she finds money via an alternate route. I do think not telling anyone is kind of tacky. If she has the balls to ask others for money, she should have the balls to tell her guests.
And BTW, this idea is not original. Read the book Save Karyn, by Karen Bosnak. She did this exact same thing--asking strangers to give her money--to pay off all the debt she accumulated. It's a very entertaining read--although those who ridicule, I suggest you don't.
From: Karen | 4/2/09 at 4:31 pm
I think the timing of this experiment is playing a lot into peoples' annoyance with it. So many people are jobless and losing their houses right now and something like this must seem completely frivolous to so many people. If we weren't in such a poor economic state in this country I think people would see this as more of a novel concept. I will say that if I were her I would just be happy to be employed, debt-free and with someone who loves me. No harsh words, just my opinion.
From: ClaraK | 4/2/09 at 7:50 pm
I don't have any objections to the idea, really -- in fact, I might have thrown in a buck or two if I enjoyed reading her blog. But this particular blogger strikes me as a bit of a snob -- she's incredibly snotty about brunch receptions, serving chicken, and basically any weddings that cost less than $20k. Given that she's soliciting for donations via the internet I really don't think it's necessary for her to act like those options are somehow beneath her. If she's got her heart set on the $35k wedding those event planners claim is necessary, there's no arguing with personal taste, but she didn't have to be unkind about people who chose to spend what they could afford and no more.
From: robin | 4/6/09 at 9:32 pm
My opinion... extremely tacky and immature. If you cannot afford a wedding it is not time for a marriage. A wedding is hardly a charity. And girls don't be fighten! Shira asked for our opinions, and that's all they are :O)
From: robin | 4/6/09 at 9:34 pm
Another thought... instead of donating to her wedding, donate money to a valid charity in her name, and let her know you did it :O)
From: tinyheat | 4/8/09 at 3:23 pm
yes yes, its creative. but obviously not creative enough to get a wedding she will remember and love. does it have to be extravagant like a red carpeted event? no. you can still have it all without really having it all, by doing some items yourself (invitations, wedding favors etc.) and really - do you need a brand new $1000 and up gown? reuse, reduce and recycle. there are many online shops that feature used designer wedding dresses. you just have to think outside of the box. anytime wedding is attached to anything - it costs more. i have been to many many weddings and the best ones have always been the less extravagant. the one with much love, heart, family and friends. the ones that really matter. im sorry but, we all wish we can afford an extravagant wedding - in life, you have to learn about compromise and sacrifices. my "wedding" is less than a week. my wedding dress was less than $50, my wedding cake was also less than $50, i made homemade jam & a mix CD for our wedding favors, i have friends who are amateur photogs. again, think outside the box, you are only as helpless as you make yourself be. but good luck to all brides to be - i'll be sure to post up the result of my $500 (or less) wedding. so you can see for yourself.
From: HelpMakeCents | 4/8/09 at 10:05 pm
Ow. It does hurt to be upstaged. And so quickly.
But I've got to say, she does have guts... and some kind of superhuman ability to advertise that I don't have. Good luck to her in her endeavors!
From: E | 4/19/09 at 5:50 pm
I think the best way is to sell something. Lots of people have garage sales or craft sales to fundraise for their wedding. Check out this girl's blog. I feel like she's onto something without sounding greedy.
From: E | 4/19/09 at 5:51 pm
(Sorry!) Check out helpmakecents.blogspot.com -- I think the girl has a neat idea going.
From: Kym | 4/20/09 at 6:12 pm
As a wedding planner, I have very mixed emotions about this. Yes, she is brave and innovative. It makes me wonder what is really important to this girl, after all, a wedding can be a show with a leading lady! I hope she is married for the rest of her life, but I doubt it.....
From: The Broke-Ass Bride | 4/28/09 at 3:55 pm
I think there are so many ways to afford a dream wedding than to ask people to pay for it on your behalf. I just don't believe in something for nothing across the wedding board.
I, too, am a broke bride. On my blog, I talk about ways to negotiate, barter and be creative in approach. I've saved over $20k in wedding costs because of my crafty planning skills. That fills me with pride, purpose and the knowledge that I'm earning my wedding which makes it all the more special.
From: MeriMaye | 5/7/09 at 2:58 pm
I am getting married in 37 days (EEK)! I am so super excited and stressed about money all at the same time, but to ask people I don't know to help pay for it? NEVER. My wedding is going to cost me about $5000, total, including honeymoon. (My two best friends wedding are both under $10k too.)
My hunny and I bought a house 2 years ago, I go to school full time on top of working 40 hours a week and still have time to DIY almost everything for my wedding. I just find it tacky and uncreative. Now if she asked me to help pay for her education or something valid I would be all for it but seriously, her wedding? No thanks. I have limited myself and so have many other brides I know. Why does she feel she is better then all the rest of us brides?
From: K | 6/11/09 at 12:17 pm
It's tacky. Have a wedding within your financial means.
From: Tim Driver | 11/4/09 at 5:10 am
Interesting to see how this turned out after this time - I suggest a return to the original post
From: WI Wedding | 11/26/09 at 8:13 am
cool......
From: Ana | 3/18/11 at 8:14 am
Wish I could be reconized like that! Im getting married in july and I dont have the money to do anything! wish I had the freedom to just go to the store and choose stuff, GOd be with Me!!!!!
From: lindsay | 4/27/11 at 1:13 pm
I have done exactly the same thing with one or 2 twist's. Firstly I am offering advertising space on the website and my other 3 websites (own my own photography business so supplier will be targeting the right people through me). I was unsure about asking at first but decided it can't hurt and people don't have to donate if they don't want to, if not I have also added a forum asking for tips,ideas and advice. It's also for other bride's/groom's to jin and share experience's and tips. maybe if theres someone who can do great cakes we could swap trades, ie for a wedding cake I would do their photos etc. It's not all about money it's about having one memorible day that means something.
From: Deb | 10/20/11 at 9:25 pm
IM NOT MAD AT YOU FOR ASKING OURS FOR HELP TO PAY FOR YOUR WEDDING.. IM OUT DOING THE SAMETHING CAUSE PAYING FOR A WEDDING BY YOURSLEF CAN BE VERY HARD...